This was last night when he told me he didnt feel good.
Yellowstone
Yellowstone
Yellowstone Talan and Stan (Dad) trying to give me a heart.... lol
Yellowstone accomplishing the finished heart!
23 Birthday
Playing a little bball with dad
Playing a little ball with dad
Yellowstone
Yellowstone
Yellowstone
23 Birthday
23 Birthday
23 Birthday
23 Birthday
Olive Garden dinner date with Mom and Dad
Also last night when he didnt feel well
Traveling home from Yellowstone asleep
Talans 23 Birthday
23 Bday
Called to Serve Brigham City Temple bracelet for his Bday
Well I guess its been a few days since I have updated. This momma has been sad and heart broke and cried just a few times this past few days. Its so hard to see Talan battle his battle! Lets just say that days are getting worse and he starts and ends what we call cycles off and on. They seem to come more and more frequent lately and it sure takes a toll on his body, and mine. There is one thing for sure as I give him his daily shots of medication, I just want to cry. Once was his hip area, once was his buttock, and now on to the thigh of tissue turning hard, as I inject it feels like Im injecting into grissel. Sometimes as I inject the tissue is so hard I have to pull out and go to another spot because it wouldnt push through. At times I can get it to pop inside and then he screams and says he feels it going in directions through his tissue it shouldnt be going to. This is because the route of medication is trying to find alive tissue to absorb into. This just about makes me cry and nauseous everytime I have to do it. He is totally a trooper and some how gets through it. Bless his little heart! As we both fight for sleep and to keep ourselves going. He sure tries to get up and function, but his poor body says NO! He has about an hour a day of energy and if he does to much he finds himself in bed till the next day. Just last night I cried at his bedside as he could hardly tell me in the most cringing voice, mom, I dont feel good, I just dont feel good. I feel Im getting sick, could you please sit in here with me and watch me and make sure Im ok. THIS is what Im talking about, he is starting a cycle. I just wanted to fall to my knees and plead for comfort for him, and the pain and sickness to just go away. Dear Lord, why must I watch my precious little boy slowly slip away???? I dont like it!!!
All he wants is to be normal and function, have a life, a girlfriend, wife, kids, college, work, and so forth..... as he tells me this I just want to cry. Ok, I do cry. I tell him that Heavenly Father must have another path for him, and how else do you look at it? He told me just the other day that he hoped to die in his sleep and wake up out of pain and in a beautiful place, and be able to pick the most beautiful girl to marry on the other side waiting for him. I dont know, maybe she is waiting for him? That about broke my heart in two, but how can you not think about how wonderful that would be for him to be out of his pain. Then I want to slap myself for thinking such things, Im selfish and want him to out live me at my old age of being a grandma to his children!
He just had a Birthday on April 12, and he turned 23! Im so thankful and feel so blessed to still have him here. He looks at his friends, sister, and others moving on and it really sometimes takes a toll on him. He just learned of his best friend graduating from college and moving to Maryland within the next month, he has stood by his side, comes to see him, and takes Talan places to get him out of the house. Talan slipped into a little depression for a few and days and cried and cried. For he seen that life moves on unfortunately for others and his does not. We try to keep him positive and ourselves to, for this trial is strengthening, teaching us unconditional love, faith, perseverance, and humility. I know that my Heavenly Father is blessing me with the health and strength to keep going every day as Stan also.
Talan wanted to go to Yellowstone for his birthday to our time share. So we packed him up about two weeks ago and went on a venture with him for a few days. Of course we tried to tell him there was nothing to do up there but he still insisted we go. I told Stan that we needed to go and spend some quality time with him, as Stan is so busy with everything he does to keep us afloat. We got up there and never left the condo. Talan was to wore out to even go for a ride. He mostly slept the whole time we were up there. He went from the chair in the living room to the bed in the bedroom. The picture above shows just how wore out he was. It makes us sad to see him so wore out. Im afraid its just going to keep getting worse. His reasoning skills are getting harder and harder to deal with. He doesn't realize it either, that's the hard thing.
We have had hurdles to jump the past month and a half, Talans pain Dr. passed away from cancer and he was the BEST! He helped us stay on top of his pain and everything else he could, a very intelligent man and now he is gone and we have been lost trying to find a new doctor. Finally we have found someone to help for the time being. On the good side of things we have also found a Dr at the U of U to watch over him as his disease progresses. We have yet to find a doctor that would or could do this for him. We were excited to know someone delt with sclerosing and would take him on. What a blessing that will be. We have not been yet for the first appt., unfortunately he cant get in until June 19. He is on a cancelation list. I can only hope it will be sooner. She will follow his lung function, intestinal function, and pretty much everything from what we understand. His intestinal tract is sclerosing and he doesnt eat much that has to be digested much by the muscle function inside the intestinal tract. He mostly is eating right now, Chex mix is his favorite, if you think about it, it is pretty much mush before it enters the tract. Easier on him, softer foods is where he is at, at this point. Oh and of course his pepsi! ha ha
About a month ago Tim Gates from Due West was passing through town and came out to our house and sang to us. What a great guy, how genuine he is and how grateful we were to hear him sing and bring us peace. He will never know just how much it meant to us to take time out of his busy day to come out to our home and sing and shoot the breeze with Talan. We appreciate him, Due West and Nashville Tribute band for the compassion they have for Talan and others in need. They have literally touched our souls! IF, you have never heard of them please go to YOUTUBE and look them up! So Im sharing with you one of the songs that Tim shared with us, please enjoy.
One thing that is on Talans list to do this summer is redo his room. His room is done in hunting and has been that way since he was in High School. So he is trying to plan what he would like to do. This is giving him something to look forward to, and I guess I will have my summer cut out for me. He wants to do his room like "Hawaii five0 the new series", like their work room, with diamond plate stuff on dressers and have places to put stuff he likes. His room is pretty small and his bathroom really small. Im trying to figure out how to make it more user friendly. He has to step up and down a stair and sometimes falls off coming down the stair, and he hurts himself. As he scleroses it worries me how we will eventually get him showered, and getting him up and down that stair and to make his room more user friendly. Funds are just not there to do a lot. SO if any of you have any great ideas, let me know! This kid at least still has creative skills, ideas and his sense of humor. I sure do love him!!!
Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, love and support as we go through this enduring trial. We love you all!!! His courage to keep fighting helps me to keep going! Jen
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